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70 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
70 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
Joke
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"Chuck Norris doesnt read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants."
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"Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris."
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"If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever."
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"Chuck Norris breathes air five times a day."
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"In the Beginning there was nothing then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job."
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"Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning."
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"If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win."
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"The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them."
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"Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."
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"Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light"
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"Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent."
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"Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold."
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"Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits."
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"There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard. There is only another fist."
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"The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain."
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"Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. Its now called Red Bull."
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"If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris."
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"On the 7th day, God rested Chuck Norris took over."
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"Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball."
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"Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn."
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"Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye."
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"If you want a list of Chuck Norris enemies, just check the extinct species list."
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"Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never."
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"Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling."
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"Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete."
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"Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice."
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"Chuck Norris can speak Braille."
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"Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time."
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"Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle."
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"Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run."
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"Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died."
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"Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves."
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"Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris."
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"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."
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"Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors."
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"Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing."
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"The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris."
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"Chuck Norris makes onions cry."
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"Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience."
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"When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed."
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"Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone."
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"Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction."
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"Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain."
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"Chuck Norris can drown a fish."
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"When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesnt turn the lights on, he turns the dark off."
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"The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake."
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"Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye."
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"Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands 15 feet behind him."
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"Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris."
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"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he's pushing the Earth down."
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"Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is."
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"Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost."
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"Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray."
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"The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn't work."
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"Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it."
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"Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths."
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"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."
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"Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes."
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"When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders."
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"It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch '60 Minutes'."
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"Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough."
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"We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris."
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"Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest."
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"Chuck Norris can clap with one hand."
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"Chuck Norris doesn't need to shave. His beard is scared to grow."
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"Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly."
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"Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris."
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"Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube."
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