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4.7 KiB
4.7 KiB
1 | JOKE | |
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2 | Chuck Norris doesnt read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. | |
3 | Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. | |
4 | If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. | |
5 | Chuck Norris breathes air five times a day. | |
6 | In the Beginning there was nothing then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job. | |
7 | Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning. | |
8 | If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win. | |
9 | The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them. | |
10 | Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. | |
11 | Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light | |
12 | Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. | |
13 | Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold. | |
14 | Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. | |
15 | There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard. There is only another fist. | |
16 | The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. | |
17 | Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. Its now called Red Bull. | |
18 | If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris. | |
19 | On the 7th day, God rested Chuck Norris took over. | |
20 | Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball. | |
21 | Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn. | |
22 | Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. | |
23 | If you want a list of Chuck Norris enemies, just check the extinct species list. | |
24 | Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. | |
25 | Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling. | |
26 | Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete. | |
27 | Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice. | |
28 | Chuck Norris can speak Braille. | |
29 | Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time. | |
30 | Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. | |
31 | Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run. | |
32 | Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. | |
33 | Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves. | |
34 | Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris. | |
35 | When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. | |
36 | Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. | |
37 | Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. | |
38 | The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. | |
39 | Chuck Norris makes onions cry. | |
40 | Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience. | |
41 | When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed. | |
42 | Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone. | |
43 | Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction. | |
44 | Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. | |
45 | Chuck Norris can drown a fish. | |
46 | When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesnt turn the lights on, he turns the dark off. | |
47 | The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. | |
48 | Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye. | |
49 | Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands 15 feet behind him. | |
50 | Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. | |
51 | When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he's pushing the Earth down. | |
52 | Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is. | |
53 | Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost. | |
54 | Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray. | |
55 | The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn't work. | |
56 | Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it. | |
57 | Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths. | |
58 | Chuck Norris can divide by zero. | |
59 | Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes. | |
60 | When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. | |
61 | It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch '60 Minutes'. | |
62 | Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough. | |
63 | We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris. | |
64 | Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest. | |
65 | Chuck Norris can clap with one hand. | |
66 | Chuck Norris doesn't need to shave. His beard is scared to grow. | |
67 | Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly. | |
68 | Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris. | |
69 | Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube. |